New Pictures

Hi Everyone, I hope everyone is happy and healthy this holiday season. Wyatt is looking forward to Santa coming to our house this year. He asks almost everyday if Santa is coming tonight.

I am very much looking forward to tonight since this is the first time he has a Christmas Program at his Daycare. He has been singing Christmas Caroles for the past couple weeks and knows more than I do! :O) He's not my little toddler anymore asking me 'What's that mama?', 'What does that do?', 'What this, what that?', he is now the one telling me, 'This is for....That can do this......Buzz can fly!! ha! Not to mention he's grown about 3" since last year and lost his baby fat!

Anyway, my little man is growing up and I have just posted new pictures on the right. I have included the girls I now work with, they are such a good group of ladies! I made Gift tags for them with their picture which is also in the video bar, shhh, don't tell them. The pictures go back to I think Emily's Birthday and Easter, I just haven't been able to post like I would like. There is a picture of me on a circular ride when we went to Celebration City (too bad it's closed now!), anyway, I was told it was a kid ride and I'd be fine....Well, I wasn't fine, I don't handle spinning, flying, going up and down rides very well, however, the kids just loved it.



And I have to show this one, Wyatt got this mask and cape with a pair of shoes (which was on clearance for $7.00). As soon as he put it on, he asked me. "Mama, can you tell it's me?" I had to play along and say, "No, who is in my house with a mask on?", he pulled it up and said, "It's ok mama, it's just me, Wyatt Cooper". Ok, I just think he is so cute! He loves to 'dress up'.

Hey!!!!

Wow, it amazes how quickly time, no, days, NO, months fly by when it just seems like last week I was traveling down to Branson everyday.

I have got all moved up, moved in and unpacked (for the most part) to Springfield. I LOVE living in the City. I am so close to shopping, parks and just about whatever else I need or want to go.

Where I live, I am way WAY too close to a couple Ice Creams Shops! I have packed on some pounds for sure....not to mention my boss keeps us in plenty supply of snacks around!

If anyone hasn't heard already, I love my new job, including the drive thru the city. Even when I got rearended after being here a week, the poor girl that hit me was so upset, I hugged her several times and told her it would be ok, we were fine and the vehicles can be fixed. She couldn't of been over 21-25 yrs. old. I was just glad Wyatt was not with me, he would not have been so patient waiting for the PD to come on a NON injury fender bender. I must say though, we got a few 'hey baby' and some whistling at us. I didn't realize what a 'hot mama' I was...hahaha!

This year, we've got plenty of rainfall and the fall colors are just exploding, I can't wait to get some pictures taken. Not having access to a computer and internet has made it difficult to pursure my love to blog.

I will be getting some pic's of the latest addition to our family soon and posted. Baby Lilly (aka Sarah) is just adorable.

Wyatt has been in counseling now for about 2 months and is showing signs of improvement, having him in a daycare (thru the Baptist Church) with teachers that are working with him instead of pushing him off as a 'bad kid' has also helped him improve. Last week we started his in-home visits and we got a great counseler, 'Candy', she's all but 5' tall and has true concern for Wyatt's well being.

Gayle plans on moving up with Wyatt and I soon, hopefully before Thanksgiving, but you know how 21 year olds can be.

Well, all of us look forward to Halloween, it's really a great reason for us to get together and eat the first batch of Chili at Paula Jean's house! See ya'll soon!

Yeah for Me!

Hey everyone, have you missed me? I have missed you!

I am really excited about my new job working in an attorney's office in Springfield. I start on Monday the 14th. The job is part accounting and part whatever else needs done in the office. It's a small office (two attorney's) right up my alley.

While I've been in limbo, Wyatt and I have been to White Water, Celebration City, Silver Dollar City (thanks PJ) and many trips to the park. I have enjoyed spending the time with Wyatt and will miss having this much time with him once I am back to the Monday - Friday. I'm sure ya'll know how much I love my little man.

I'll be back on-line as soon as I can.

Love Ya!

It's Country

If anyone knows anything about me, they know I listen to mainly country music. Recently I've been listening to Sugarland a lot. Ok, call me a dork if you want, but I can relate to one song more than others. The name of the song is 'Stand Back Up'. This seems to be the story of my life. I get shot down, but I always end up back on my feet. My vicious cycle of life. The reality of my job in Branson ending is getting closer, just 3 weeks away. (yeah, it's on my mind ALL th time).

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Stand Back Up by Sugarland


Go ahead and take your best shot
Let her rip, give it all you’ve got
I’m laid out on the floor, But I’ve been here before
Yeah, I may stumble yeah, I might fall
I’m only human, but aren’t we all
I might loose my way, But hear me when I say

I will stand back up
You’ll know just the moment when I’ve had enough
Sometimes I’m afraid and I don’t feel that tough
But I’ll stand back up

I’ve been beaten up and bruised, yeah
And I’ve been kicked right off my shoes
Been down on my knees, more times than you’d believe

And when the darkness tries to get me,
There’s a light that just won’t let me
It might take my pride and tears may fill my eyes

But I’ll stand back up
I’ve weather all these storms but I just turn them into wind so I can fly
If what don’t kill ya makes you stronger,
when I take my last breath, that’s when I’ll just give up

So go ahead and take your best shot
Let her rip, give it all you’ve got
You might win this round
But you can’t keep me down
Cuz I’ll stand back up


And you’ll know just the moment when I’ve had enough
Sometimes I’m afraid and I don’t feel that tough
But I’ll stand back up

And you’ll know just the moment when I’ve had enough
Sometimes I’m afraid and I don’t feel that tough
But I’ll stand back up

I hope you have the opportunity to hear this, you will be touched by this song.

Enjoy your day!

Good Morning!

Wyatt wanted his picture taken this morning, why? Because he's 3? How can I refuse this request? Last Saturday morning I took him to get his picture taken to a local studio in town. I needed his picture taken since it'd been way over a year since his last 'annual' picture. I justify the money to be spent with 'this may be the last time I can afford it in a while' next year, we'll probably go with K-Mart or something like that. The photographer put him in a nautical theme, a little boat, a hat (so Gilligan style). I got to pick out my package last night which will be one of those pictures that Wyatt will kill me when he's older (when I show his girlfriends how cute he was) but they really turned out very cute and this is a once in a lifetime I will do something like this. I'll scan one as soon as they are done. In the meantime, Wyatt has always been excited about taking pictures so here we are this morning, just as we were going out to the car. I so love this little man!

On my way to work, I can't help but think about how soon my 'good' job is ending. I've only had a few interviews and I have to remain optimistic considering somehow and God only knows, but things will work out in the end. So as I am driving, I see this truck and wished I had a little Elfin Magic of my own. Maybe if I call the number?

More Oldies but Goodies

First time "Granny" got to
hold Wyatt, of course she
had to be supervised by our
little professional








Not a surprise, more
slobber! Wyatt was 2.






Getting to eat his own
J E L L O
all by himself!








I must have said something
odd, but what? He's only
6 mos old.








Just so darn cute!











This is him stuck trying to crawl through his leapfrog, he always like crawling under and through things, still does.








When you know he LOVES his Christmas present!







I guess it was nap time.









His first look at a frog at the Zoo on his 1st birthday, he wasn't too sure about it.









This is what happens when your daughter takes your picture and you don't know it.








This is what happens when mom takes a picture and her daughter doesn't know it.









This is your hair when you let a 3 year old (Emily) style it.








This is the cutest ever face you get when you dress your child as Jesse from Toy Story.

This is the sign you will see when you are going to Louisiana when you let your daughter navigate.

Well, I think we all know how this happens.

This is when a mother to be overstocks

More overstock

The smile you get when you know you are loved.

How am I?

16 years ago today, I left my abusive ex-husband. A date I never forget.

What is going on today? How do I feel today? Another day sure to be etched in my mind.

Sad? Anxious? Isolated? Low Spirited? Gloomy? Relieved?

I am not sure I can completely explain how I am feeling right now. Friday night (after work) I was told my office would be closing. There was no answer for the Why? or the When? but that is sure to come later. I almost hyperventilated, well I suffered a little hyperventilating because loosing my job after 15 years is upsetting. As anyone can imagine, I am worried about several things. I am making every effort to see this as a blessing in disguise. I've only been 'let go' once in my life and I was very young, just out of high school without the responsibility of any children.

The timing just couldn't be worse, my house has been listed for 6 months and hasn't had anyone seriously interested in putting in a offer. The job market is also weak, in this area where there are several colleges and tech schools, businesses can easily hire a younger person with a education (that I don't have) at a lower pay than someone who has years of experience and needs a higher salary. Man, who hasn't experienced that?

My son, Wyatt, how will he be affected? Like I said, the job market here is extremely weak, I had to work 15 years to be at the pay scale I am at now (not to mention the 4 weeks a year vacation time, it's been a life savor since Wyatt gets sick a lot). What I am getting to is his welfare, not just having a decent place to live, but providing him with the necessary health care, nutritious food, clothing and his happiness. He tells me on occasion how 'bootiful' our house is and I will loose it without my current income. Another painful move, not something I look forward to.

Me, work? What am I going to do ? What am I going to do? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? :O(

I am overfilled today with anxiety, I am a single parent over 40 with a 3 1/2 year old son that does not receive any child support or outside assistance from his father.

I don't have a nest egg since every penny I earn has gone to making a house a home for my kids (that includes Gayle, my 20 year old daughter) and the cost of their happiness. Over the years I have said, I'll try to save, I'll try to save......and then doctor, hospital, dental and other unexpected expenses come up. And did I mention my car? I have bad luck with vehicles because I again have a vehicle that is in need of expensive repairs. I tried to trade it in for a cheaper car, yeah right, the only way to get anything over a $5,500 trade in is if I buy a much MUCH more expensive and NEWER car. Love that. NOT

I have no choice but to deal with what has been laid before me and make the best of it. That's what I keep telling myself, the reality is now, I am very sad and can't stop the tears from flowing.

I have hugged and kissed and tickled my little man Wyatt this past weekend so much he told me to leave him alone. :O) So of course I tickled even more. Then he says tickle me more, tickle me more....I just do what I can to not let him see mommy in tears. He is what keeps me hopeful!

It just goes to show that life happens that isn't always good and it could be much worse.

Scattergories

Scattergories
Tag, your it!

If you are reading this, copy and paste this post onto our own blog. Then leave me a comment here so I can come read yours :)

This actually took a little thought. Have Fun. Scattergories... it's harder than it looks! Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following... they have to be real places, names, things.. Nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person you got this from had the same first initial. You can't use your name for the boy/girl. I love this game (and have it at home).

1. What is your name? Paula
2. 4 letter word: Pine
3. Vehicle: Probe
4. City: Peoria
5. Boy's Name: Paul
6. Girl's Name: Patti
7. Alcoholic beverage: Pina Colada
8. Occupation: Photographer
9. Something you wear: panties
10. Celebrity: Paul Newman
11. Food: Pita bread
12. Something found in a bathroom: paper
13. Reason for being late: Poop detail
14. Cartoon Character: Peebles
15. Something you shout: PLEASE!
16. Animal: Panther
17. Body Part: Privates
18. Word to describe you: Patient

Like I Said.....

Another year has slipped through my fingers, didn't we just celebrate bringing in 2007, 2006, 2005.....2000? Don't we hate to admit that are parents were right in saying we'll realize some day the years will go by so fast, you won't know what hit you?

I've been divorced for 15 years, 15 years! Wow, I know. So what have I been doing for 15 years? That has been a constant thought for the past several weeks. So much I felt I had to write about it. After my divorce, I didn't date or go out very often (I had my daughter to take care of). This went on for 3 years, I just wasn't ready to meet another Mr. Wrong and really needed to find out who I was. I've realized over the years though, that I am still learning who I am, it will be a never ending experience to constantly grow into myself. I know what I want out of life and I know what I don't want. I also know I've gone through different stages of loneliness, being in and out of love, rebounding, intimacy, being played and settling for less/having it all.

After my divorce, I recall being overwhelmed, I was so glad to be away from him, but I hadn't ever really been alone before. I had to adjust and take care of my daughter, I have always been a responsible person and I had to put aside my happiness for hers. What I was really doing is focusing on her so I didn't have to deal with my 'lonely demons'. I constantly have that empty space in my heart still expecting to be filled. I have had a hard time understanding the difference between someone liking me for me and someone liking me for alternative motives. I find myself running from someone who shows me affection and wants to be in a mature relationship and am victim to heartbreak when I meet someone that doesn't share in the same elated excitement.

I have Wyatt, a gift in life I can't begin to express how thankful I am to have. His love is so innocent and does not come with conditions or misleading expectations. He, like my daughter helps me through again fighting those lonely demons. I can focus on him and forget about the world around me. I believe in that saying that people come in and out of your life for a reason. I am, though as much heartache it caused me, am thankful his father gave me this gift of life.

I've been doing the on-line dating thing for a while now thinking it was the best way for me to meet someone. I always think I am ready to find Mr. Right, I just can't seem to give up the hope that he is out there. I greatly miss holding hands while walking at the park or store or just sitting around, hugs, hugs are the best thing. That kind of warm embrace cannot be shared with just anyone. Having that shoulder to cry on, the first one you call with great news or just calling just because. Falling asleep with someone you know will be the first thing you see when you wake up. Having that never ending conversation because you truly enjoy each others thoughts and outlook on things. Having that 'moment' where nothing is said. Enjoying a great cup of coffee while the rest of the house is still asleep. Someone to be there for me when I need that pick me up, that slap in the face to snap out of it when I am feeling a little blue.

And have I found it on-line? Well, what I have found with on-line dating is that it is difficult because you really do not know who is being honest and who isn't, is 'he' on-line for the wholehearted reason to find his one and only or just looking for a good time? The bonus here is that you can sit in privacy and click away among the hundreds of profiles from one coast to the other honing in on whatever criteria you include in your search. So we'll see.

BELIEVE

I write about the kids and family and realized I should also be writing about me every now and then. Isn't that one of the hardest things to do, write about yourself? I BELIEVE it is. Which brings me to thinking about the things I BELIEVE in. Have you ever thought about the things Y O U BELIEVE in? The things I BELIEVE in are constantly on my mind among the 3 gazzillion other things I think about during my day.....and I wonder sometimes if there is something seriously wrong with me. ha!

BELIEVE - the definition......To have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so. My immediate thought when I read this, seemed a lot like FAITH. Which lead to my next thought; to TRUST. Ok, you see how my mind works?

I believe everyone has a purpose in life, some of us find it at a very young age and some of us discover it much later in life. Either way, I believe, my life is guided by what I am passionate about. My family and doing the right thing to the best of my ability. I greatly admire those who have that knack to say and do all the right thing at all the right times. I know I am harder on myself than anyone could ever be.

I BELIEVE in the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and I wish more people would feel this way.

Courage is within all of us, we prove it daily by facing difficulty, danger, pain...all without fear, all at various levels. Without courage, I would not be who I am today. I have faced many challenges in my life. Everyone has to a degree. Those challenges are also what has made it difficult for me to fully trust anyone. I do have hope though and a lot of it.

I believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Forgiveness is essential in life. Without it, your heart will fill with resentment.

I believe in balance, a balance in your life is how you make it, don't let others dictate what works for you.
I believe in God.
I believe hard work will give you great rewards in life.
Patience is not always easy and I have a breaking point.
I believe you have the right to question everything and anything regardless of the topic.
Politics are not my cup of tea.
I believe you should laugh out loud every day!
I believe good and evil can mask one another.
To be honest should not be difficult.
Everyone is accountable for their own actions.
Freedom is not FREE.

I have only touched the surface of this list, it is never ending.