Good Morning!

Wyatt wanted his picture taken this morning, why? Because he's 3? How can I refuse this request? Last Saturday morning I took him to get his picture taken to a local studio in town. I needed his picture taken since it'd been way over a year since his last 'annual' picture. I justify the money to be spent with 'this may be the last time I can afford it in a while' next year, we'll probably go with K-Mart or something like that. The photographer put him in a nautical theme, a little boat, a hat (so Gilligan style). I got to pick out my package last night which will be one of those pictures that Wyatt will kill me when he's older (when I show his girlfriends how cute he was) but they really turned out very cute and this is a once in a lifetime I will do something like this. I'll scan one as soon as they are done. In the meantime, Wyatt has always been excited about taking pictures so here we are this morning, just as we were going out to the car. I so love this little man!

On my way to work, I can't help but think about how soon my 'good' job is ending. I've only had a few interviews and I have to remain optimistic considering somehow and God only knows, but things will work out in the end. So as I am driving, I see this truck and wished I had a little Elfin Magic of my own. Maybe if I call the number?

ANYWAY by Mother Teresa

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.
Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People need help but will attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa

How am I?

16 years ago today, I left my abusive ex-husband. A date I never forget.

What is going on today? How do I feel today? Another day sure to be etched in my mind.

Sad? Anxious? Isolated? Low Spirited? Gloomy? Relieved?

I am not sure I can completely explain how I am feeling right now. Friday night (after work) I was told my office would be closing. There was no answer for the Why? or the When? but that is sure to come later. I almost hyperventilated, well I suffered a little hyperventilating because loosing my job after 15 years is upsetting. As anyone can imagine, I am worried about several things. I am making every effort to see this as a blessing in disguise. I've only been 'let go' once in my life and I was very young, just out of high school without the responsibility of any children.

The timing just couldn't be worse, my house has been listed for 6 months and hasn't had anyone seriously interested in putting in a offer. The job market is also weak, in this area where there are several colleges and tech schools, businesses can easily hire a younger person with a education (that I don't have) at a lower pay than someone who has years of experience and needs a higher salary. Man, who hasn't experienced that?

My son, Wyatt, how will he be affected? Like I said, the job market here is extremely weak, I had to work 15 years to be at the pay scale I am at now (not to mention the 4 weeks a year vacation time, it's been a life savor since Wyatt gets sick a lot). What I am getting to is his welfare, not just having a decent place to live, but providing him with the necessary health care, nutritious food, clothing and his happiness. He tells me on occasion how 'bootiful' our house is and I will loose it without my current income. Another painful move, not something I look forward to.

Me, work? What am I going to do ? What am I going to do? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? :O(

I am overfilled today with anxiety, I am a single parent over 40 with a 3 1/2 year old son that does not receive any child support or outside assistance from his father.

I don't have a nest egg since every penny I earn has gone to making a house a home for my kids (that includes Gayle, my 20 year old daughter) and the cost of their happiness. Over the years I have said, I'll try to save, I'll try to save......and then doctor, hospital, dental and other unexpected expenses come up. And did I mention my car? I have bad luck with vehicles because I again have a vehicle that is in need of expensive repairs. I tried to trade it in for a cheaper car, yeah right, the only way to get anything over a $5,500 trade in is if I buy a much MUCH more expensive and NEWER car. Love that. NOT

I have no choice but to deal with what has been laid before me and make the best of it. That's what I keep telling myself, the reality is now, I am very sad and can't stop the tears from flowing.

I have hugged and kissed and tickled my little man Wyatt this past weekend so much he told me to leave him alone. :O) So of course I tickled even more. Then he says tickle me more, tickle me more....I just do what I can to not let him see mommy in tears. He is what keeps me hopeful!

It just goes to show that life happens that isn't always good and it could be much worse.

BELIEVE

I write about the kids and family and realized I should also be writing about me every now and then. Isn't that one of the hardest things to do, write about yourself? I BELIEVE it is. Which brings me to thinking about the things I BELIEVE in. Have you ever thought about the things Y O U BELIEVE in? The things I BELIEVE in are constantly on my mind among the 3 gazzillion other things I think about during my day.....and I wonder sometimes if there is something seriously wrong with me. ha!

BELIEVE - the definition......To have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so. My immediate thought when I read this, seemed a lot like FAITH. Which lead to my next thought; to TRUST. Ok, you see how my mind works?

I believe everyone has a purpose in life, some of us find it at a very young age and some of us discover it much later in life. Either way, I believe, my life is guided by what I am passionate about. My family and doing the right thing to the best of my ability. I greatly admire those who have that knack to say and do all the right thing at all the right times. I know I am harder on myself than anyone could ever be.

I BELIEVE in the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and I wish more people would feel this way.

Courage is within all of us, we prove it daily by facing difficulty, danger, pain...all without fear, all at various levels. Without courage, I would not be who I am today. I have faced many challenges in my life. Everyone has to a degree. Those challenges are also what has made it difficult for me to fully trust anyone. I do have hope though and a lot of it.

I believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Forgiveness is essential in life. Without it, your heart will fill with resentment.

I believe in balance, a balance in your life is how you make it, don't let others dictate what works for you.
I believe in God.
I believe hard work will give you great rewards in life.
Patience is not always easy and I have a breaking point.
I believe you have the right to question everything and anything regardless of the topic.
Politics are not my cup of tea.
I believe you should laugh out loud every day!
I believe good and evil can mask one another.
To be honest should not be difficult.
Everyone is accountable for their own actions.
Freedom is not FREE.

I have only touched the surface of this list, it is never ending.